How To Lead When She Won't Let You

dominance Aug 21, 2023

If you’re a man who is trying to step into the Dominant role in your relationship, you have probably had a point where you felt like she relentlessly fought back against your leadership.

Even if she’s agreed to follow it already.

And then find yourself asking yourself what the hell you’re really doing here.

How can you lead someone who won’t allow you to lead? How can she claim to be submissive when she is always questioning, challenging, negotiating, and trying to stay in control?

Or maybe you’re questioning whether or not you can step into that Dominant role, because she is so bossy, so controlling, so domineering, so feminist….so whatever.

So how do you lead someone who won’t let you lead?

You lead anyway.

Leadership is independent of followership. Dominance is independent of submission.

A leader leads. A Dominant is dominant.

He is focused on building HIS life. Doing what HE wants. And this gives her something to follow. Something to surrender into.

Thinking that she needs to follow in order for you to lead is exactly why she doesn’t trust you to lead.

Acting like she needs to submit in order for you to be Dominant is exactly why she keeps arguing, fighting, and resisting.

You’re looking for her approval.

If you aren’t leading your own life, you can’t lead hers. If you aren’t dominating your own weakness, she isn’t going to submit to you fully.

She may claim the title, she may even act the part. But she won’t fully let go and surrender, because deep down, she’s still the one in control.

If you’re looking to her to be a certain way so that you can lead, she’s still completely in control.

So you feel weak, she feels like she’s the responsible one, and while you may hold the title of Dominant, you’re still a part of HER reality.

How do you shift this dynamic?

You need to build YOUR reality, so she can be a part of YOUR LIFE, rather than you being a part of hers.

Separate your Dominance and leadership from her submission and follwership, and start taking radical, complete responsibility for your life. Here are a few ways you can do that.

  • Stop engaging in any arguments with her

  • Decide what you are going to do and do it

  • Set some standards for yourself and live up to them.

  • Work out, eat well, groom well, dress well.

  • Stop asking for permission.

  • Take relentless action towards what you want in your life.

  • Speak up for what you want.

  • Stop waiting for her to follow.

  • Find a group of strong men to lean on. 

Become the person in your relationship that assumes the most responsibility. Don’t talk about it, just do it.

Give her something to follow, rather than expecting her to follow someone who isn’t going anywhere.

She will never follow you until you’re leading.

Get The Free Guide to Devotional Dominance & submission

Download the free guide to living loving D/s dynamics! 

We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.