Why Don't I Want to Have Sex With My Husband? | Infinite Devotion Episode 156
Why Don't I Want to Have Sex With My Husband?
"I wanted to want it more. I just didn't, and I didn't know what was wrong with me."
That's how Dawn describes the years her desire went quiet. This is part two of our series on desire in long-term relationships, and it's for the women. Last week was the man's half. This week Dawn and I get into hers: why her libido never actually died, what buried it, and what it has taken over the last five and a half years for her desire to come alive bigger than it was at the beginning.
In this episode we get into:
- Why nobody has a dead libido, only a buried one
- The lies Dawn believed: "low libido," the infatuation stage, and what a good marriage is supposed to look like
- Desire as the pull, and why willingness is something else
- The day Dawn asked what was standing between her and feeling turned on
- Why slowing down is the first step, and who your body actually belongs to
- The Madonna-whore split women run on themselves
- The gasoline and the match, and the turn-ons hiding in the things you've judged
- Being turned on by your own life
- Why there's no technique, and what to do instead
- Speaking up, rebuilding self-trust, and the day Dawn told me she wasn't turned on by my body
Next week's episode comes out Tuesday, November 10, the day my book Infinite Devotion launches. Get the first chapter free, sent to your inbox Sunday, November 8.
Chapters
- 00:00 Part two: her side of desire
- 02:11 Nobody has a dead libido
- 04:15 We never saw passion last
- 06:18 Even at the worst, her body kept telling the truth
- 07:34 The lies Dawn believed
- 08:58 Desire is the pull
- 10:21 Her sexuality ran through me
- 12:29 "My hand can touch you, yours can't"
- 14:19 Five and a half years, and why you can't rush it
- 16:40 "When you come, I see God"
- 18:24 Why slowing down comes first
- 20:32 The same pull toward anything in life
- 22:44 Who does your body belong to?
- 24:42 When's the last time you pleasured yourself?
- 25:23 Communion and learning how to be
- 26:35 From wanting to obligation
- 29:54 Unwinding codependency
- 31:11 The Madonna-whore split women run on themselves
- 33:58 Capacity, orgasm, and letting go of control
- 35:10 The gasoline and the match
- 37:19 Your biggest turn-ons live in the shadow
- 38:04 Turned on by your own life
- 39:20 Acceptance, and learning to feel what you receive
- 41:19 There is no technique
- 43:58 If you're close to leaving, try staying
- 45:04 "I wanted to want it"
- 46:24 Hold the little girl on your lap
- 47:16 Let your emotions burn away the lies
- 48:26 When nothing in your life turns you on
- 50:29 Getting loud and rebuilding self-trust
- 52:11 "I'm not turned on by your body"
- 56:48 A woman's feelings are always accurate to something
- 58:46 Intimacy and intensity, together
- 59:25 The book, out November 10
Mentioned in this episode
- Communion: six months home to your body, for women. Waitlist open now.
- The Few: my six-month group for men. Waitlist open now.
- The Gasoline & The Match: Understanding Feminine Desire
- Lovense: Dawn's favorites are the Lush 4 and the Domi 2. Our link includes a discount.
- Part one, for the men: Why Won't My Wife Have Sex With Me?
- Infinite Devotion, the book
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