You're Not In Love, You're In Control: Why Secure Attachment Is Still a Cage | Infinite Devotion Episode 133

Can you feel joy for your partner's joy with nothing needed in return? I use one word from the non-monogamy world to test what real love feels like.

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Compersion is a feeling of wholehearted joy for your partner experiencing their own joy. It comes out of the non-monogamy communities, and I think it has something to teach anyone in a long-term relationship, monogamous or not. I define love as an unconditional acceptance of who someone is right now, needing nothing from them. Once we fall in love, most of us start to fear losing it, and that fear turns love into attachment, which is really control.

I talk about why the goal of secure attachment still rests on needing your partner to act a certain way, and why people pleasing, on either side of the dynamic, still comes with strings attached. We get into why compersion can't be performed, the man who let his wife walk all over him and called it unconditional love, the guys who get triggered by her sex toy, and how I used to project my own patterns right back onto Dawn. When you stop needing them to be different, they can breathe, and they can move toward you from real desire.

Love that needs nothing back is what lets devotion and desire keep growing together. Rapture is the journey Dawn and I built for couples who want that kind of power, connection and intimacy in their dynamic. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep133&utm_content=notes_bridge

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Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book