Kink or Codependency: What's Really Driving Your D/s Dynamic? | Infinite Devotion Episode 124

Is it kink that is driving your D/s dynamic, or is it codependency wearing a collar?

FREE for D/s couples: 7 Tips For A Rock Solid D/s Dynamic
https://infinitedevotion.com/7-tips?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep124&utm_content=notes_top

GO DEEPER: Structuring Your D/s Dynamic, build the structure that makes your deepest desires real
https://infinitedevotion.com/structuring-your-ds-dynamic?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep124&utm_content=notes_top

Almost every Dominant and submissive couple I have worked with has had some codependency playing out inside their dynamic, and Dawn and I have played out plenty of our own. I share two client stories, one where the submissive's fear had nothing to do with her Dominant and one where his sense of being Dominant depended on her submitting. Drawing on Melody Beattie's Codependent No More, I explain why codependency feels like caring when it is really about managing your own anxiety, and why D/s can give those patterns a justification to go deeper.

The critical difference is that in a healthy power exchange both people keep their sovereignty, agency and consent. I walk through how codependency shows up as dominance, from bottoming from the top to rejecting who she is to micromanagement, and how it shows up as submission, from people pleasing and losing yourself to hypervigilance and overexplaining. Polarity needs space, and you have to be complete to submit and complete to lead. When two whole people choose to exchange power from pure desire, you have something real to give.

If you recognized your own patterns in this one, Structuring Your D/s Dynamic helps the two of you build rules, needs and agreements that come from two whole people rather than from fear. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/structuring-your-ds-dynamic?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep124&utm_content=notes_bridge

MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
Dawn's collars come from Eternity Collars. Use code DEVOTION for a discount (affiliate link): https://www.eternitycollars.com?bg_ref=0iRJJDqHMs

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Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book