Navigating Needs and Wants in a Dom/Sub Relationship | Infinite Devotion Episode 44

Whose needs come first in a Dom/sub relationship, and why? Dawn and I walk through the hierarchy that shaped our first years, and how we grew past it.

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Early in our dynamic we lived by a simple hierarchy: the submissive's needs first, the Dominant's needs second, the Dominant's wants third, and the submissive's wants last. It gave Dawn the safety to start letting go of a lifetime of people pleasing and self-sacrifice. Over time I asked her to stop sorting needs from wants at all, to bring me every desire, and to let me decide what she really needed.

We talk about the difference between having needs and being needy, why speaking up before you're empty changes everything, and how childhood patterns narrow the ways we let love in. Dawn shares what it's like to not know what she wants, and I explain why leading from a place of trying to please her quietly puts her in charge. The Dominant's needs come second because his needs only get met once she is free, filled up, and able to receive all of him.

The hierarchy of needs is one of the structures that made our dynamic work. Structuring Your D/s Dynamic walks you through building yours, including how you'll handle needs, wants, rules and rituals. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/structuring-your-ds-dynamic?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep044&utm_content=notes_bridge

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