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Hi.
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Hi.
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We are doing a podcast.
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We are. I know. Isn't this exciting?
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It's really exciting. It's something that we've
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thrown around the idea about now for
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often on over the last couple of years. It keeps coming up.
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People kept bringing it up. Like you guys need to do a podcast.
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Right. And it started to feel more and more right.
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So, one of the reasons that it started to feel more right
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is because of how much there is... how much there's really become
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to be in this relationship for us.
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And the more we try to share it on Instagram
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where you only get 2,200 characters to type out a caption.
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You just can't really relay the depth that you can...
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that we want to be able to do here on this platform
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to be able to have these longer deeper conversations with each other.
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Yes. And I will say from my perspective
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it's a lot easier to talk about it in conversation.
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Right.
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First is just sit down and...
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Right. For me, right now.
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So, for this first episode
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I wanted to start by giving anyone who might listen
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a bit of a background in how we kind of got started
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down this path.
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Because I think obviously it was unique to us,
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but over time what we found with what we do now for a living
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we keep running across people who are in these long term
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like happy but very vanilla relationships.
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And they... at least one of the two people,
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if not both, want something more.
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And that was kind of where I found myself in 2018.
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And I'm so thankful that you got there.
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Because...
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Well, I guess where I'd like to start is from your perspective.
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Like our marriage before we became dominant and submissive.
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What was our relationship like?
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We'd been together for just about...
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married for just about eight years together for just about ten.
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Yeah. So, I always felt like
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our marriage was great.
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And...
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You just were so great.
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So amazing to be.
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You were so unlike any other man I had ever experienced before.
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It was like you wowed me from the start.
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And like the little things of like opening a corridor for me.
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And...
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It had never happened before.
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If it did I don't remember.
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So maybe but not on a regular basis.
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I don't know. Maybe a guy did it the first date or something.
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You know, granted I hadn't had a lot of history there.
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Um, even just like taking me on dates and giving me this experience of life
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that I just hadn't had before.
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And it felt so special.
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And...
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Like the love that I felt for you felt so real.
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Even though now looking back I'm like, oh wow it was blocked.
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But I didn't know what I didn't know.
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And so like I know other people would look at us not that it mattered.
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But like we are the relationship we had then even stood out as like being into each other.
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Not talking bad about each other.
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Not getting so frustrated and mad.
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Or we're silly stupid things.
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And so yeah everything about us just felt good.
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We continued like you continued to take me on dates.
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And so I know there got to be a point where it shifted.
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And my memory doesn't hold on to all of what that exactly was like.
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But I know that like even our sex life kind of dwindled in.
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There was a lot that got in the way of the best relationship that we could have.
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We kind of followed the pattern of a lot of like your standard,
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almost what you'd expect out of a standard marriage, even like a standard good marriage.
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Yeah.
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Like we were super, super into each other.
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Hot and heavy like intense attraction and desire right at the beginning.
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And that kind of started to dwindle a little bit as we fell out of the mega infatuation.
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But it stayed pretty intense and pretty deep for a while.
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And then we got married.
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And it was just kind of like this slow gradual comfort that set in.
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And from my perspective it was like the thing that drew us together was like slowly dwindling away.
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And you know I could never live.
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I couldn't accept that that was what, like how it had to be.
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I remember you bringing up to me at some point numerous times.
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I don't believe the infatuation stage has to end.
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And I was like well it kind of felt like it had.
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It had.
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I didn't really know.
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Yeah.
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So I was pretty oblivious to the fact that our relationship could be even better than it was because it felt good.
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Especially in not intentionally comparing, but there was a comparison out of what was displayed to me in my early life experience of what relationships and marriage were.
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Like we had a great one.
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We were like top of the tier in good.
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And that's like where the where comfort becomes a negative instead of a positive.
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Yeah.
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Because when for you I know when you looked at us it was like well it's way better than everything else I've ever seen.
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Or anything else I ever experienced.
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Yeah.
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So, but that has to be good enough, right?
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Yeah. And I didn't even realize that's the belief, I don't know if that I adapted.
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But comfort is, it's safe.
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It feels good.
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It's just not exciting.
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It feels good until you know how deadening it can really be.
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Yep, but I did not know what I did not know.
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So the thing that I would tell you when I would say I don't believe the infatuation stage has to end.
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Behind that was I have never been able to accept this notion that we can't have the person that we love and care about the most.
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Also be the person that we feel intense love, passion, desire for.
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Like I can't live in a world where those two things can coexist.
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But it seems to be almost like a foregone conclusion.
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When you look in any sort of world of traditional advice about how you manage a long term marriage,
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well maybe just spice it up a little bit.
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Going some date nights, so we did that stuff. And that's probably why from the outside or from your perspective,
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it felt like it was pretty great because even by most outside standards it was.
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Right. And I would--
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But that passion wasn't there. That intensity wasn't there.
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So if you have anything to say to that, like what drove that in you?
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Because you didn't have passion and intensity and desire and deep love as an example in your life, early life experience, either.
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And so what drove that in you?
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I had experiences earlier on in my life that showed me what intense passion felt like.
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And I knew that that was something that I needed to feel.
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Like that was a part of what made me feel alive.
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But I'm also smart enough to know that just constantly pursuing nothing but,
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call it sexual excitement, sexual novelty, casual sex with a bunch of random people to just keep getting those quick hits of easy dopamine.
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Like that's not fulfilling in the long run.
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Because I've also known what it felt like to be deeply loved.
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And so it's not something that I was willing to accept, I guess, like I said, that I want both of those things.
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And I want to have them with one person.
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And I already said this, but I'm going to say it again.
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I'm so thankful that you had that desire and you went after it.
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You didn't just make an assumption that you weren't worthy of it.
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You couldn't have it. Like I'm incredibly grateful.
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It's one of those things that's kind of key to my personality, my intelligence, the way I see the world is,
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I don't just accept what is considered normal as being the only option.
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I will always dig for what's real.
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And to try to prove myself right. I'm not afraid to end up wrong.
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But if I don't try to see if I'm right, I'll never know.
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Again, I'm thankful for that. So different than the way that I say it this way that I created the life I had.
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And the belief systems and all of that.
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So before the day that I asked you to be my submissive, we had come across a book called "Mating and Captivity."
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Oh, that was the day before?
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No, it was before I had asked you. We read that book together.
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Oh, yeah. And that was by Esther Perel.
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That was the first time I had seen anyone really dive into that same question that I'd had kind of running in the background of my mind for so long,
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which is, I think the tagline to that book is something like, can you have, can you want what you already have?
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And so that was like, that was a little bit of hope for me, but maybe this actually could, that I could do this.
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Because I also had running in the background a long history that I don't even know where it began of this desire to experience dominance and submission.
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And that was something for me that was really deep in the shadows.
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Like, it felt like this other part of my life that there was no way that that would ever become real for me,
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maybe unless I was single at some point and had the freedom to go explore it.
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It was your dirty, dirty, dark side.
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Yeah, like, it was my, it was my shameful little desire that was just stuffed in a box in the corner.
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Yeah.
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And that for me always was about seeing the way that a dominant and a submissive were connected to each other, like that passion that you could read just in the eyes when you would see pictures or videos or anything.
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So, one night we're out on a date, and we are at the Guthrie Theatre in Minneapolis.
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There's a little hideaway like, speakeasy kind of bar up in one of the top floors tucked back in the corner with the windows looking out over the city.
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Yeah, I remember exactly where we were sitting.
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And there was exactly zero other people in that little bar, because I don't even think there was a show that night.
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So, it was just the two of us and the bartender standing back there, polishing glasses.
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And the part of this night that I still don't remember is that was like towards the end of our night.
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Yeah, it was after dinner.
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At some point in the, during the night, the idea came to me that I'm going to ask her to be my submissive.
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And in true Andrew fashion, ready fire aim.
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Tonight's the night.
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Fuck it. Let's do it now.
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And so I did. We were sitting there having a cocktail and having a nice date night, I'm sure I wouldn't have asked you this question if we were not having a nice date night.
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Yeah, we always did.
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And so I said, I want you to be my submissive.
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And you said,
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I was going to say, I don't remember what the first sentence was, like, came out of my mouth.
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I'm pretty sure it was a blank confusion of what just happened here.
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Yeah, waiting for you to speak more.
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Because at that point, when I said that to you, what was your entire frame of reference around dominance and submission?
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Because mine was probably a decade or two of thinking about this and fantasizing about it and imagining it.
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Yours was very different than that.
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I had read 50 shades of gray, all the books, but loved them.
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I loved the, I guess, call it redemption story of how this, and I can use more language now to looking back at it.
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But I picked up on something about this in this way, even if my language would have been different.
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But this man who had this dark side to him, this, like, and wounded childhood,
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and it came out sideways in certain ways.
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But this woman caught his attention.
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And there was something about her that drew him in.
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And he couldn't stay away from her.
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And she couldn't stay away from him and how that, like, magnetism just created this passion and desire and love to evolve.
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And how they walked the line of healing the garbage from the past, and granted there could be a whole lot more to that story.
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Of course, because it's a book and then the movies were even condensed even farther.
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But like, now looking at what I've been through, like, that was a glimpse of this, and I don't even know it.
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Yeah. And for some good reasons, 50 shades gets a bad rap.
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Yeah, and I remember hearing about that because I want to say we were still in, or at least I was connected with people who were still in the church.
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And I remember it being like, don't go to that movie and women wanted to ride against it.
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And I'd never bought into that. I was like, confused about, I didn't even really know what it was when the movies came out.
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Because it was well after that that I read the books. I don't remember when it was.
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The thing that I think a lot of people miss when they rip on 50 shades.
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And yes, if you love literature and quality writing and whatever, yeah.
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Like, that's not what it's intended to be. No, not at all.
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It's also not intended to be a depiction of a healthy, dominant, submissive relationship.
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It's a trilogy, and you have to consume the entirety of the story to understand the story.
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And both perspectives.
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And it really is less about dominance and submission and BDSM and more about the redemption of Christian Grey.
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Right.
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And how he's, you know, by the end of the third movie, they're married with a child.
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And like all of his wounding from the past has been transcended and he's let her into his heart.
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And like it's a redemption story. It's not a BDSM story. BDSM is one of the themes in it.
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Right.
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So that was your whole frame of reference.
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Yep.
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And so I had just asked you, my wife of eight years, to walk down a journey of becoming my submissive.
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And I knew that that was a holistic, large-scale shift in how our entire relationship ran.
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And you were like, huh?
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Rightly so.
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And so I was tasked with, and this is where the,
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where the quick fire decision to ask you on a whim was less than,
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less than beneficial for me because now once I let that cat out of the bag,
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now I need to explain to you what the hell I mean when I say I want you to be my submissive.
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Yep.
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And I had to lean into this whole side of myself that had felt like a dark shady secret
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that I just let out of the bag in one night, maybe influenced by a little bit of whiskey.
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But I'm glad you did.
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And now I had to lean into like dragging this dark side out into the light and quick.
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Because the next question after I said, I want you to be my submissive and you said, huh?
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Was, I better tell you what I mean.
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And so in that first night, we leaned into a little bit of conversation about it.
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Do you remember any of that?
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No, I really don't. You might be able to bring something up for me, but no, I don't.
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One of the things I told you is that I saw in our relationship when things were working at their best.
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Times like when we were on date nights, times like when we would go on vacations or get a ways for a weekend.
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Any of those times because you had young kids at the time?
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Yes.
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I would plan them.
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I would organize them. I would make all of the decisions, make dinner reservations, tell you what time we were leaving,
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help you sort out whatever needed to be sorted out with your kids.
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And all you had to do was basically show up and follow me.
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Right.
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And I remember that first night I made the point that when we do that, all of the other stuff that can be tumultuous or disconnected at home.
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Because it's not like it was any secret to either one of us that we didn't have the passion and the desire that we used to.
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Right.
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And so that was one of the things I remember telling you that first night was I want our whole relationship, our every single day, to run like it runs on these occasions where I just take the lead.
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And you can just follow me.
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Yeah, I do remember that. I just didn't remember if it was like what was the first night versus what was the conversation after.
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And like when you shared that with me, I had zero argument.
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Nope, hands down. Yes, you're right. Absolutely. It all went well.
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All those times.
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As well as it could still living with like the way who we were at the time.
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Yeah, but it always went well and I enjoyed them.
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And I know you you shared plenty of things that really gave me the felt sense like you knew what you were talking about.
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I was winging it.
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Again, this was I know. So I'll add this here.
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I took 30 days to contemplate or close to.
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Yeah, so that was the that was the next step, right? Like, okay, now we get to the end of that night.
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And it's like, all right, obviously there's more that needs to be talked about here. This isn't a.
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I think you maybe tried to say yes. And I said, uh-uh.
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I just got this feeling that brought me back to waking up those next few mornings with like an elephant in the room.
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I never experienced that like, drop, bring back before of like, oh, okay, like, are we going to figure this out today?
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Yeah, so we kind of had to table the conversation for the night and then starting the next day.
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I told you to take the time that you needed to make this decision because this wasn't something I wanted to make half-heartedly.
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Right.
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And it wasn't something that I was prepared to toy with.
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I either wanted this to go the way that I wanted it to go or not do it.
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And so yes, then it was, it was 30 days. It was a month basically from the time that I asked you until the time that you said I'm in.
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Yeah, and I remember asking a lot of questions and you'd always give, um, I'll just call it an adequate answer.
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Um, felt like honest answers, even if like there was plenty of this that couldn't be known.
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Right.
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And so I got to a point where I hear and remember if it was before after I said yes, where you were like, you can read about what this is like.
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And I was like, no, I felt this like strong aversion to I would fall into comparing, comparing myself.
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And I understand now looking back that it was, that was coming from a performance thing. Like I wouldn't be because of my lack of self-worth and my level of perfection I held myself to.
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Like that was the worst thing for me.
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And so in you respected that.
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Um, and I remember saying like, I want you to lead me.
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But I remember getting to a point before I said yes, that I just couldn't know.
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And so what I felt was like, I'm going to jump in with two feet.
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Not knowing where this is going, but I'm going to trust you that when you say you're going to create a better life for us that you really meant it.
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And you have.
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So let's talk a little bit about at least a couple of the conversations that were had in that 30 days.
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All right. Refreshment memory.
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In that time in between.
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Okay.
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One of the things that you brought up several times.
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Oh yeah.
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Was the fear of losing yourself?
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Yeah, there was this like, I'm going to become a dormit.
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I'm going to be walked on.
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Little did I know.
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I was a dormit to so many of the wrong people religion.
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All of that to all of the wrong areas.
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And I believe like you kindly and so gently showed me that.
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One of the things that I told you was that you were actually already very submissive.
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Yes.
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Yep, I remember that.
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And that because you hadn't really taken ownership of that submission.
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You had been essentially throwing it at anyone who acted like an authority figure.
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Anyone who stood in front of the room and sounded like they knew what they were talking about.
293
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Yep.
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You would follow them and do what they told you to do.
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Yep. I did that.
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And obey them because they were clearly in charge.
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Like they seemed like they know what they are talking about.
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Yep.
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So one of the things I remember telling you is that you are already actually very submissive.
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And what I want to do with this relationship is to channel that submission into following one person.
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Into following me because I'm not going to use it to hurt you.
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I'm not going to use it against you because that's what had happened for your whole life.
303
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You followed anyone who wanted to lead.
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Yep, very blindly.
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And right into all sorts of pain.
306
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Yeah.
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Pretty big life decisions were made that way.
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And so I remember that being one of the things that I told you in response to this fear of losing yourself.
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What I knew in the background was you didn't even know who the hell you were.
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How could you lose yourself when you didn't even know who you were?
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You promised me I wouldn't lose myself because you knew that I didn't.
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And you used to say, and so did I, even before all of this, that I knew you better than you knew yourself.
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Because it would seem like in our relationship I could speak words that felt to you.
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Like I was inside of your head and showing you something that you maybe almost understood but really didn't.
315
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Yeah, all the time from the very beginning.
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Very true.
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And so that's gone through its whole many iterations over the last five years now which will come to another time I'm sure.
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But I really did see through a lot of the walls and a lot of the facades and a lot of the unconsciousness.
319
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Thank goodness.
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I didn't know that dominance and submission is what was going to give me the tools to blast them straight to hell.
321
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But I knew that you weren't going to lose yourself.
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That was something else from the very beginning was that you would speak to me like even before this dynamic that you wanted me to be myself.
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I got that message over and over and over again even though I didn't quite know what that meant.
324
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Yeah, that was something that I did very early on was when you would ask me questions like early in our relationship even.
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I would ask you to look inside yourself like what feels right to you.
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Just give me the answer.
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Another thing that happened in those first 30 days, you wanted concrete specific examples.
328
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Yeah.
329
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How is this going to look if I agree to this?
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How is it going to look as a part of my normal day to day life?
331
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What's going to be different?
332
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So just before we were going to record this, I went back and found my old journals that I was writing while we were in this whole month of conversations because I was just churning inside at this point.
333
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So I kept something that I sent to you that was maybe an email or a text or something.
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I think you were giving me notes to read about where you were at on a regular basis.
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I gave you some examples of what life would look like.
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It was interesting when we looked at that today, wasn't it?
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I wish you could have seen the look on my face as I was reading it because I was like holy shit, you knew what I was talking about.
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Because what I told you in that one message was what our life is like now, isn't it?
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Yeah. And you weren't even the man then that you are now.
340
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What I felt when I read that message, that long description today, was that this is coming from even bigger than you.
341
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And it like, I don't even know what else to say, the depth of the realness and the authenticity and something bigger in this world.
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So some of the things that I had in that message to you were that I wanted you to call me Sir.
343
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Yep.
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And not just that I wanted you to wear a collar.
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What do you remember out of there that I said about the collar?
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To wear it with the love and respect of the display of this piece of our dynamic as you as my dominant and my Sir.
347
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And to see you in that light in the same fashion that my wedding ring displays my commitment to you as my husband.
348
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:30,000
And that was a piece that was totally new to you.
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Because with your whole -- Yeah. -- With 50 shades being your only experience. And I never wore a collar in 50 shades of gray.
350
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I do not remember how I received that whole thing of wearing a collar. I don't remember any rejection to it or any issue with it.
351
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Because you didn't have any background or experience in what dominance and submission or what BDSM was the aesthetic of that or the feeling of it, the draw or the pull to it that I had felt.
352
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:18,000
You also didn't have any of the attachments to the call it the kinkiness of wearing a collar.
353
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That some people do. And what we both chose out what it was going to be. It's this silver looking. It's not silver.
354
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But eternity collar, which I liked. I was excited to wear it.
355
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:56,000
Side note on that. The only thing that you have ever disliked about wearing a collar is how it's impacted your ability to wear other necklaces and jewelry.
356
00:39:56,000 --> 00:40:02,000
Yeah, because I had plenty of that that I enjoyed wearing because I love that aspect.
357
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:18,000
So yeah, I remember having like, "Oh, I just I want to wear that necklace. I love it." And now I'm just like, "Whatever." I kept the ones I like just because I kept rid of the ones that I didn't like.
358
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:28,000
Yeah. I remember I clearly remember one time where I was having little spat because I really wanted to wear a certain necklace with a dress.
359
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I was just bombed that I didn't get to. Yeah.
360
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So the collar was something that was really important to me. And I remember telling you that collar does that can be anything that we both choose it to be.
361
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Yeah. That it could be something you wear on your wrist, something you wear on your ankle, something you wear around your neck, which I preferred.
362
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I was not going to force that because it had to be like, it was not about you wearing a collar for me. It was about you having the same attachment to what it meant as I did.
363
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Right.
364
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I also said in that message that I wanted to offer you guidance on things in your life where I knew that your life could be better than it is.
365
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And to have you follow it without having to fight you, to follow it.
366
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And this is a slow journey to get to where we're at because I did fight a little bit unconsciously.
367
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Believe systems programming.
368
00:41:49,000 --> 00:42:05,000
And that's something I'm sure in this podcast in future episodes, we're going to spend a lot of time talking about how you were able to get through the resistance that you felt that you
369
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didn't even want to have be there.
370
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Oh my gosh. Yeah. That's that's going to be several podcasts.
371
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But that was like letting those walls down was a big thing that I knew needed to happen.
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And looking at that, at those journals and some of the things I wrote to myself, one of the notes that I made was I know that you were going to fight me tooth and nail in letting go of control.
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And that I'm going to need to stand very strong probably for a very long time.
374
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Well, you learn to let go.
375
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Absolutely. That's like a requirement of the dominant big boy pants.
376
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So also in those journals and in those notes from that first month, there were days that I wrote, I'm pretty sure you're going to say no.
377
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I remember you're sharing that with me at some point.
378
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I'm pretty sure that you were leaning towards just noping this whole thing.
379
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And I had this sense of like, what do I do with this?
380
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Like I just let this cat out of the bag. I let myself see it.
381
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I brought it out into the light.
382
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I let it be seen. I let myself really open up this side of myself.
383
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And if you say no, but you don't want to go here with me, even if you maybe say not right now, like how the hell do I put this cat back in the bag?
384
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How do I put the tooth paste back in the tube and keep on going with the way things had been?
385
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:18,000
I vaguely remember having conversation about like what if I say no, then what does our marriage mean?
386
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And I remember you giving me the idea that you would still be there and that wouldn't change.
387
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And you would, I don't know, in some fashion, in some words, like just deal with it. I guess I don't know how he said it.
388
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I would have to sort out how to go forward.
389
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Because if something I didn't say earlier was I fully believe that it's possible to have this both of these two things, right?
390
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The person that I love and care about the most and the person that I have the most intense, passionate desire for.
391
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Like those two things existing in the same relationship.
392
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I also knew and I, it's bigger than what these words are really going to relay.
393
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But I knew that if it was possible to have that, that it was possible to have it with you.
394
00:45:38,000 --> 00:46:01,000
And I don't know when I say that, if I mean that that was just how I wanted it to be so badly with you, that I wasn't willing to look at any other options.
395
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:19,000
There's a part of that that's true, but it's also that I knew that on some level of consciousness, I knew that what it would take to create that kind of a relationship is something that was present in the two of us.
396
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That we had the capacity for it. I had a knowing of some kind that we could do this together.
397
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:39,000
I agree. And I can't say how this exactly would have gone because this would have been all still you two.
398
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But if I would have said no, I still see there being a slow receptivity on my behalf to you slowly taking more charge, even without the dominance and submission label to it.
399
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:57,000
I think we would have gotten here eventually anyway.
400
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:00,000
I really do.
401
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:26,000
Because there were just a lot of things in life that, I mean, if you would have asked me for this earlier in our relationship, maybe I still would have said yes, but to get to the depths of where we're at now, we just had to allow life to move the way it did for a while.
402
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:36,000
Just because until I had this space to really dive into this, what's in the way of surrender.
403
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:44,000
And another thing in that was we wanted to have kids together.
404
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:47,000
Yeah.
405
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:53,000
And that didn't turn out to be possible for us.
406
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:56,000
Right.
407
00:47:56,000 --> 00:48:00,000
And so there was that other statement that I had said to you at one point.
408
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:05,000
Yeah, another thank goodness. Like, you, it spoke something into me.
409
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:11,000
And what was that thing that I said to you from your perspective?
410
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:22,000
You said if we're not going to be able to have kids together, our relationship has to be about something, about something else, something more.
411
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:29,000
And I don't remember all the conversation that went into it, but I will never forget that statement.
412
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Because again, like going into, like I thought our lives together was going to be raising more children.
413
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Because you were amazing, would be an amazing father.
414
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And I wanted to have kids with you. And so I believed it was going to happen.
415
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:54,000
So when we were told it wasn't, that was a shock.
416
00:48:54,000 --> 00:49:00,000
Yeah, that was a kick in the shorts because I wanted to be a father.
417
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:10,000
Yep. And I watched, if I can, I guess I watched you struggle with that for a little while.
418
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:19,000
Because, and my heart felt that so deeply, because I saw how great you were.
419
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And I was like, someone else has got to experience his greatness.
420
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:30,000
Who else is it going to be if it's not a kid?
421
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You.
422
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I see that. I feel that now.
423
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Even though I did feel it back then, but I wanted someone else to.
424
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And now I really have a deeper understanding.
425
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:54,000
And so all of that kind of came together in this conversation over,
426
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are we going to be dominant, submissive, or are we going to try to put the toothpaste back in the tube?
427
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:07,000
And just pretend like I didn't open my yapper.
428
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There's no elephant in the room.
429
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And so you decided to say yes.
430
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:25,000
Yep. I literally remember sitting at your feet and deciding like,
431
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:34,000
I'm going to jump in with two feet, and I'm going to trust you to make our life better.
432
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:42,000
And right after that, I wrote in my journal, now I really need to figure out what the hell I'm doing.
433
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:45,000
David, I did.
434
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:49,000
I'd done a lot of talking about it at that point.
435
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:55,000
But there was really interesting line in that journal, and I don't know if I've ever shared this with you.
436
00:50:55,000 --> 00:51:00,000
What is it?
437
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:12,000
And it was actually the night before you said yes, when I had a pretty strong inclination that you were ready.
438
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:22,000
And I said that this has been something that's been hidden in my life for so long.
439
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:27,000
And it's about to become integrated with my reality.
440
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:37,000
And I don't know what I'm doing.
441
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:45,000
And so after you said yes, we got to looking at collars.
442
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:49,000
Yeah.
443
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:55,000
And I'm pretty sure I paid for like the extra super speed overnight.
444
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,000
Like, I don't care how much it costs shipping.
445
00:51:57,000 --> 00:52:01,000
Like get it here by 10.30 tomorrow morning.
446
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:05,000
Thank you. We turned any collars.
447
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:14,000
And we also put together a contract.
448
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:18,000
Yeah.
449
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:31,000
And it was on December 2nd of 2018 that I put that collar around your neck.
450
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:37,000
And we signed that contract.
451
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:42,000
What a great day.
452
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:55,000
And so that's how we got from Vanilla to dominant submissive.
453
00:52:55,000 --> 00:53:17,000
What was the, if you can just sum up the feeling that you had of like you said you're going to trust me to make our lives better with this.
454
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,000
Yeah.
455
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:26,000
What was that like?
456
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:36,000
You had already given me a life that was so great.
457
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:49,000
And I just had a felt sense that if you said you were going to make it even better, that's what you would do.
458
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:59,000
And also just call it somewhat unconscious, but trust.
459
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:14,000
I mean, gosh, the word faith, my experience in religion, like that instilled, that instilled something deep in me.
460
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:19,000
Now, just saying that out loud, I'm like, okay, was that religion or is that just this felt going?
461
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:21,000
I don't know.
462
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:31,000
But even in my mind, like faith was a real thing, a real experience.
463
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:36,000
Like you could not always know what was going to happen in life.
464
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:46,000
And so when you also said that you can't know everything, that was enough for me.
465
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:54,000
And so you in the greatness that you were back then, I mean, were you perfect?
466
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:55,000
Absolutely not.
467
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:58,000
But did you feel kind of close?
468
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,000
Yeah.
469
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:05,000
I mean, did you frustrate me at times? Yeah, probably so.
470
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:22,000
But you still just always, you, just you seeing what you did in me, like just drew something out of me, I guess?
471
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,000
Like, I don't know.
472
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:31,000
It feels honestly like a soul thing, a soul connection.
473
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:53,000
So to kind of bring this to a close, I think one of the things that I, because I've said to you for a long time, that even before we started dating, for the people who are listening and don't know this, I hired you to work for me.
474
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:56,000
And I had the business that I ran at the time.
475
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:58,000
That's how we first met.
476
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:06,000
And so my first experience of you was interviewing you for a job.
477
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,000
And I hired you on the spot.
478
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,000
Yes, you did.
479
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:17,000
And you didn't quite understand why I would do something like that, seems sort of impulsive, is this for real?
480
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,000
Ready fire aim.
481
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:25,000
I'm pretty good at knowing a good thing when I see it.
482
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:35,000
And so, I've told you over the years that I've always seen something in you.
483
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:42,000
You did have, yes, always.
484
00:56:42,000 --> 00:57:02,000
And bringing together all of these different pieces from seeing your submissiveness, your perfectionism, your people pleasing, and the way you threw that submission away.
485
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:09,000
Also, your big loving heart that had so much love to give.
486
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:17,000
Our relationship that needed to shift and change, because of not having our own children.
487
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:27,000
And then my belief and desire that it was possible to have something great.
488
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:38,000
And acknowledging that where we were was good, but it wasn't great and it could be better.
489
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:50,000
All kind of came together in this question, I want you to be my submissive or statement, I guess.
490
00:57:50,000 --> 00:58:11,000
And I didn't even fully know that at the time, how big this was and how much of our entire lives this would end up consuming and becoming a thread that runs through every single part of us.
491
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:22,000
But I always knew that there was the capacity for something very, very special here.
492
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:36,000
And I'm extremely and eternally grateful that you said yes and that you put that collar on.
493
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:43,000
And that you came with me and that we get to be here now living the life that we do.
494
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:53,000
Doing what we do for a living where this love is being shared with the world.
495
00:58:53,000 --> 00:59:03,000
And becoming an example to other people of what's possible.
496
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:09,000
And if you wouldn't have come with me none of this would be possible.
497
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:16,000
Well I am grateful that you asked me and that I said yes.
