The Truth About Monogamy, Non-Monogamy, and Devotion - Dom Sub Devotion #129
Is monogamy outdated? Should we all just embrace polyamory or ethical non-monogamy? Everyone seems to have a position on this right now, and everyone has their heels dug in hard. But here's what almost nobody is willing to say: most people's position on monogamy or non-monogamy isn't a philosophy. It's a defense mechanism.
In this episode, Andrew gets into the real conversation underneath all of the debate about relationship structures. We aren't naturally monogamous creatures, but that doesn't mean bouncing between casual connections gets us home either. Both sides of this debate are usually avoiding the same thing: the depth that only conscious devotion makes possible.
Andrew breaks down how monogamy gets used as a control mechanism, how non-monogamy and polyamory get used as an avoidance mechanism, and why both are just different ways of staying safe from something that needs to be felt. He also takes on the myth of the "high value man" and what actually makes a man worth choosing. And then he makes the case for devotion as a crucible: not monogamy by default, not a defended position, but a conscious daily choice to go fully into one person and not let yourself off the hook.
This one will make you uncomfortable. That's the point.
In this episode:
- Why humans aren't naturally monogamous creatures, and why that doesn't mean what most people think it means
- The way both monogamy and non-monogamy get used to manage fear rather than face it
- The myth of the high value man, what it's really about, and what actually makes a man worth committing to
- The difference between default monogamy and conscious devotion, and why they look the same from the outside but couldn't be more different inside
- Devotion as a crucible: why you need the pressure, and why diffusing it keeps you shallow
- What actually becomes possible on the other side of doing this work
- Why Andrew and Dawn didn't choose this path so much as it chose them
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